What Are Self-Fulfilling Prophecies?
If you have even a passing interest in psychology, you’ve likely come across the concept of a self-fulfilling prophecy. If not, let me explain and illustrate with examples what it is and how it relates to self-esteem.
At its core, self-esteem is about trusting yourself and deeply believing that you deserve happiness. Self-esteem not only influences your actions but is also shaped by what you accomplish.
The Cycle of High Self-Esteem
When you believe in yourself and know you are worthy of great things, you set ambitious goals and take actions that lead to success. This success reinforces your confidence and self-respect, further boosting your self-esteem. With high self-esteem, even challenges won’t deter you—you’ll persist, increasing your chances of overcoming difficulties and achieving your goals.
For instance, overcoming a tough situation can significantly bolster your self-esteem. It becomes a story you might proudly share with your grandchildren about how you triumphed over adversity.
The Vicious Cycle of Low Self-Esteem
Conversely, people with low self-esteem often lack trust in themselves. They tend to be passive, procrastinate, and act unconsciously. When faced with challenges, they may quickly give up or merely go through the motions without putting in the necessary effort to succeed. Unsurprisingly, this often leads to failure, which reinforces their negative self-perception and belief that they are unworthy or incapable of more.
In both cases, expectations shape outcomes, and these outcomes further solidify our beliefs about ourselves. This is the essence of self-fulfilling prophecies.
Success Despite Low Self-Esteem
It’s worth noting that low self-esteem doesn’t always completely block action. Some individuals, despite their low self-esteem, actively strive for success, driven by the desire to prove their worth to others. While they might achieve temporary results, such efforts can lead to self-sabotage over time.
For example, a person with low self-esteem might believe deep down that they don’t deserve happiness or success. When they achieve something significant, they may feel overwhelmed and start to undermine their progress, aligning their reality with their internal beliefs.
Self-Esteem and Relationships
Low self-esteem often impacts romantic relationships. If someone believes they are unworthy of love, they might avoid pursuing meaningful connections. Even if they meet someone who genuinely loves them, their inner voice might whisper, “This can’t be real.” This self-doubt can lead to unconscious behaviors that sabotage the relationship.
For instance, a man who wins the love of a woman he thought was out of his league might suddenly question whether she’s good enough for him. He may leave her and start chasing someone else, repeating the same pattern.
In other cases, the relationship might not end, but the person remains deeply unhappy, constantly “working on the relationship” without ever feeling satisfied.
Low Self-Esteem in the Workplace
Low self-esteem can also hinder professional success. Imagine a marketing department employee who comes up with a brilliant idea that could significantly boost company profits. Instead of presenting it, she doubts herself, recalling past experiences where her ideas weren’t well-received. Over time, the idea fades away, and her hesitation reinforces her belief that she isn’t capable of making a difference.
The Mask of Arrogance
Interestingly, low self-esteem often hides behind arrogance or snobbery. A clear sign of low self-esteem is the tendency to look down on others, whether based on gender, nationality, or social status. Discrimination and condescension are often coping mechanisms that temporarily make people feel superior.
The Danger of Low Self-Esteem
No matter how well people mask it, low self-esteem is a ticking time bomb. It shapes what you believe is possible for you and creates mental images of your future. If your self-esteem doesn’t include the possibility of happiness, positive events in your life might feel unsettling, even threatening.
Common Thoughts of Low Self-Esteem
- “I don’t deserve this.”
- “This is too good to be true.”
- “Happiness is fleeting.”
- “People will envy and hate me.”
- “Happiness is an illusion—it’s not for me.”
These thoughts often lead to self-sabotage until the person learns to accept happiness as a gift and stops undermining it.
Breaking the Cycle
Think about this: Perhaps today is the day to embrace the good feelings and opportunities life offers without fear. If doubts arise, recognize them as remnants of someone else’s beliefs instilled in you. Challenge these negative thoughts and replace them with empowering beliefs.
The more you do this, the easier it will become to trust in your ability to be happy and to feel that happiness is possible for you – starting now.